July 2010
3 posts
Modern Family Values
I don’t like sad shit. And I’m just going to assume my kids don’t like sad shit either.
When their dad and I were getting divorced, all the books I read (okay, skimmed self-righteously and with annoyance) said to sit the kids down and tell them we knew this was sad, and we were sad too, but that we just couldn’t be happy being married to each other anymore, and that it would be hard but we’d work...
Fat Genius, Huge Boobs
I just wish I were skinny. All the time, no matter what. I watch very little TV and hardly ever eat potato chips. It seems like that should be enough.
I hate the assholes who can’t gain weight no matter what they eat. I also hate the assholes who preach healthy eating and exercise as the solution. It’s 2010; there has to be a better way.
I’ve exercised plenty. For six months before my...
Divorcemoon
So you’re going to Costa Rica for two weeks? Have fun. A cruise along Mexico? Bon voyage. Touring Europe for the summer? Good for you.
As for me, my life is a vacation. Nothing glamorous or 5-star, of course. More like a cross between yurt camping, a business trip to Des Moines, and an overpriced rental house that advertises beachside but ends up being 50 fucking blocks from the ocean.
It wasn’t...
June 2010
2 posts
The Lazy Parenting Technique
They say that nothing good comes easily. Apparently, they’ve never eaten Easy Mac. Or ordered mimosas from room service. Or had a wet dream.
The truth is, most of my big parenting decisions came as a result of doing the easiest thing, or simply doing nothing at all.
When my first kid was about 6 months old, a friend asked how the sleep training was going. Sleep? Sleep training? I instinctively...
Because Excellence is Exhausting
Lately just reading my Facebook news feed makes me tired. People are doing, making, growing, and thinking all sorts of big, exciting things. And not only am I not doing those things, but I also don’t even feel like aspiring to do those things.
If you’re among those happily doing stuff with your life: carry on. I mean, someone has to, I guess—and it sure as hell isn’t going to be me. There are a...